Changes

I never could have imagined how drastically and comprehensively my life would change as a result of knowing you. The change has taken place not only in the realms of emotion and personal perspective, but in my career, goals, relationships, and decisions. It's true that to assume foreknowledge of one's outcomes is to ensure a sequence if inevitable disappointments, so I have been learning to embrace the unpredictability of my future. Nevertheless, as it shan't include your physical companionship, it scarcely proves to be one worth pursuing.

I've managed to shift my approach from total apathy to its slightly nuanced cousin, passivity. All things remind me of you and in doing so restore my ultimate focus. My greatest sources of happiness and pain are one in the same. Had I been warned prior to knowing you that such a state of being could even be possible, I may have acted differently I suppose, though, that one of the paltry free gifts awarded us in life is our inability to express, much less understand, pain until we have experienced it. For that reason, even when warned we rarely take the path of caution but instead dive head-first toward certain demise.

I see this as at once an utter failure of the human intellect and a merciful glitch in comprehension.