I had a series of horrible dreams about you. Usually, my dreams about you are calm and serene, or sentimental and emotional. Last night though, for reasons I haven't quite figured out yet, I kept replaying terrible moments. They appeared and played out to my horror. I was helpless.
I saw you laughing with your friends, but when I ran to you to take your hand, you recoiled as though I was a total stranger. you didn't recognize me. I began to shrink, or perhaps the rest of the world began to grow, and before I knew it, I was overwhelmed. You walked away with your friends, laughing.
I violently awoke, pulling my hair. This sensation was so vivid. I could feel you slipping away from me, even as I lay awake. I tried to go back to sleep to repair the damage and somehow find redemption within the realm of fantasy, but it was too late.
I have spent the whole day in agony. Wondering, worrying, fearing... I keep seeing the look of happiness and light in your eyes which I so loved fade from view to be replaced by scorn and disregard. As you walk away from my helpless, floundering heap of a body, it's as though I'm watching an ember break loose from a fire and float off upon the air, slowly dimming and steadily fading from view. I struggle to keep my eyes fixed, but through the tears and the haze of confusion, you disappear.
It's hard to imagine a night without your presence in my dreams, but this vision was truly terrifying.
Not an hour later, I was to retrieve the presents I meant for you to receive which had not been delivered. You refused to accept them because you could not handle the pain. You believed that our time had come to an end and thus any reminder of me would only further complicate your suffering. Now it's too late. Now, the words I so passionately composed for you shall remain sealed in an envelope and my life haunted by thought of never saying goodbye.
My dear Marie, I'll go the rest of my life with your name on my lips and your visage on my mind.
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