The things I remember...

As usual, I will spend this evening pretending to be happy and hiding my true thoughts as I attempt to entertain a house full of people. We'll have dinner, play games, share stories, tell jokes, and all the while I'll be thinking of nothing but you. I'll be imagining you beside me, my arm around you, sharing the laughter and enjoying the night. I'll step out for minute and pretend to be attending something in the kitchen but I'll really be sitting upon the foot of my bed, head in hands, cursing my fate. Then, after a few minutes, I'll collect myself, fix my shirt and hair, and return to my guests.

Each day of my life is defined by you. My soul exists purely in the realm of your memory.

I know you want me to get over you - to move on. How can I do that? Why would I want to do that? What force on earth could replace you? As much pain as I feel, I still cherish the moments we had.

I look at your pictures of you and, like an involuntary reflex, I smile. My heart accelerates and my spine tingles. The hairs on my neck stand up and I let out a little sigh or sometimes even a laugh. Your beauty always made me lose control of my body. Nothing has changed in that department!

I admit that I am more emotional than most people, but someone like you requires heightened senses and emotional honesty. For you to be appreciated the way you deserve, nothing less would suffice. You ignite my imagination. You are the source of everything beautiful in my mind. As emotional as I may be, I'm still at a loss when it comes to conveying how special you are.

I remember the feel of your hair between my fingers and how you would slowly close your eyes when I caressed it. I remember the touch of your cheek against mine, so smooth and warm. I remember how you would take a short breath as I leaned in to kiss you and then the tension would melt from your body. I remember that when we would release our lips, you would take a deep breath and release it slowly with your eyes still closed. I remember how nervous you would be when we were in public, but then as we kiss, you seemed to forget entirely. You would just give in and allow the moment to happen. I remember when you used to tell me what made you sad, what made you cry, what made you laugh, what made you think... I remember how you looked when you could see how deeply I cared for you. You would look into my eyes, pause for a moment, and look back to me. You thought I was crazy. You were right! You were usually right. But not always...

I remember you. Every day.